Denial 7 - To remove or not remove the mask

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Saying goodbye to denial

This is the final article on the first step of "Denial". As I've explained before, this blog was intended solely for my own benefit - to keep my focus away from those thoughts and other patterns of behavior that often challenge and tempt me. Often that was what websites I would go to on my computer, or what TV shows I would watch - but more about dwelling on the situations in my daily life that would keep me from joy and growth.

Every day or night when I write these articles, I'm a bit apprehensive if I should be putting all this stuff online. When the anxiety of such transparency reaches a peak, I often get a message from someone who has read a particular article saying that it has helped them realize that they are not alone and they want to commit or re-commit their life to Christ through Celebrate Recovery.

Regrets, no regrets

As this is my second round in Celebrate Recovery, I often want to skip ahead. Part of what makes writing of these steps so jumbled and confusing to the reader is that I know what I should be doing, I struggle with wanting to make this a teaching blog, but at the same time, I want to keep the rawness of what I am dealing with flowing - so there is no mask.

I know that I am rambling, or sharing too much. I know the writing is all over the place - but so are my thoughts as I am struggling to regain that sense of peace and clarity that comes with working this program.

But then again, because I've been through this before, my flagrant disregard for the norms of societal norms (putting on a smiling face and pretending everything is OK), is with the knowledge that there is healing at the end - so I am rushing towards it. Otherwise I am just lengthening the pain.

Talk with you or at you

From a very young age, I realized that the Bible is not just some book. It's called the Bible because it is literally "The Book". In it, I personally found answers to why the world is the way it is, what to expect, and what I should do.

Take this verse of God's promise, for instance, from Jeremiah 30:17: "I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds." Now consider it in two scenarios: first, consider it as part of a speech delivered in church; then, consider it as a part of conversation in your life.

Unfortunately, when I went to church, sat in the pew, and heard some preacher speak - my ears were deaf to their ramblings. After all, they hid behind a pulpit, had a silent audience and the difference between sinful man and an unreachable level of perfection was all that was preached. Yes, the thing that turns most people off to church is that there is a flawed person talking AT us, so not much change comes about.

I wanted to know the meaning of Psalm 23, not just quote it. I wanted to know the mystery behind the parables. I wanted to know there was a God who sees me to save me - not one that looks judgingly down on me.  The God and Jesus of the Bible was much more relatable than the one that I found at church.

Then comes Celebrate Recovery, where we share our very real experiences - not fairy-dusted with Christianese platitudes. But our struggles... and then, the practical application of Biblical principles. Going into the depths of the Word to find the answer is right there all along. To find that both -characters in the Bible and those around us - struggle with a lot of the same issues is pretty comforting. Especially, when it turns out that the Answer to our hurts, habits, and hang-ups have also been shared throughout all of Creation.

Final words

I probably got a little more teachy-preachy in this entry than I wanted to.  However, these are my real thoughts and beliefs as much as the past and future articles I'll be writing.  But also, after I've completed the Celebrate Recovery step series, I plan to continue this blog in a more teachy-preachy format. I feel that establishing an understanding with you that I do struggle with stuff - that I may know what you are going through - will help you realize that, when I share more from the Bible, that I'm not just talking AT you, but like Jesus had demonstrated to His disciples, walking alongside you in your road to Recovery.

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