Hope 2 - Not a game of chance

Not a game

Although I grew up down the road from Atlantic City, I never really caught the gambling bug.  In fact, knowing the odds were always in the favor of the casinos and not having much money, I never saw the logic of spinning the wheel, putting my money down on the table or ante up. Not to say that I couldn't hold my own in a game of poker - just that gambling was never my thing. Or was it?

Instead of gambling at a casino with chips, I would play a game of basketball. I'd ready myself and say, "If I make this shot, I will..." Or if it was raining, I'd play solitaire saying, "If I get X amount of cards, I will..." Doing something daring or even a chore was depended on the flip of the card or bounce of a ball.

But when it came to "If I...I will ask her out", I did not look at this game as a test of the fates, but a "sign from god."  It's a dangerous path using God's name in vain like that.  Considering Romans 11:36, "Everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by His power," I have a feeling that I am not the only one who has insisted that it was "God's will" every time I had some misplaced hope.

Not a chance

On the court, it was easy to flub a throw when I didn't want to mow the grass - but when it was to kiss "her", I was always second guessing if the shot was hard enough to confirm getting past my shyness. But the real problem was after the childhood games were over and I "won" the girl.

I've found that more men want to have a lasting relationship with women than what we've been taught.  I have a feeling that it was always that way. As a child of divorced parents, my biggest goal in adulthood was to have a lasting marriage and family. Figuring if I treat her right and work hard that things would be okay.  My hope was having a healthy marriage - after all, a lack of "holy matrimony" is something that can get you kicked out of God's house!

Twice I've been married, and twice divorced. Figuring putting my wife as the higher power in my life

was my failure, I tried dating again making sure they knew God was my higher power.  Sounds endearing to Christian ladies, until they find out that I am sincere - and they just want sex and romance. At some point 5-6 years ago, I simply gave up on hoping there was a good woman for me and avoided any circumstance where I would be tempted to make a woman my higher power again.

Not a game of chance

So giving up the games, giving up the women, it seems the only other hope I have is clear... my job, right? Well, I've already told you how well that is going.  So, living hopelessly for at least 4 years now, I'd realized that giving up all my higher powers and sources of hope is what had driven me into the rutt I've been in.

Feeling unworthy of God's love... because my many attempts to rejoin some of my old Christianese "brothers" made sure they knew how bad I was.  Kinda like the story of Job - if you haven't read it, it's about a devout believer who everything is taken away and he falls sick. Then every religious friend tells him how sinful he is... that's the real patience of Job.  In the end, God steps in and comforts Job, and scalds the fake religious friends. Job makes a miraculous comeback only because the hypocrites do something that today's Christian would rarely do.

But in that comfort that God provides Job, we learn what Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "God's grace is enough for you; for where there is weakness, His power is shown the more completely!" It wasn't the toss of ball, a respect of a woman, or the advancement in my career that I should have had hope in, but the Higher Power of Jesus Christ who gives me and all of us Grace and forgiveness to do greater things!