Powerless 4 - I still need a nightlight
A Freudian Slip?
Most of conventional wisdom on hurts, habits, and hangups come from studies from Sigmund Freud. Now, although I think highly of my mother and wish more women nowadays were as caring and wise as she is, there is no real Oedipus complex to worry about. But there are some behaviors that I started as a child that I have not been able to shake.
For instance, I don't suck my thumb anymore. Instead, shortly after I stopped - at the age of 12 - I was introduced to the wonderful world - cough, cough - of cigarettes. The other thing is, believing my house was haunted, I always needed a nightlight. It's embarrassing, but I still can't handle the dark too well. I keep the TV on, or leave a light on so I don't trip going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Of course when I have company over, this looks like I am being hospitable, when I am just trying to scare away the boogey monster.
A knight in darkness
People always thought I was a bit insane until some movie with a kid who saw dead people came out, but I've always been a bit sensitive to the supernatural world. That said, when I was actively pissing off the devil every day, I often "saw" angels and demons fighting in my living room.
One night, I had been looking into "Illuminati" stuff and at some point, my faith was severely challenged. It was late at night and I had no one to correct my nightmarish fantasy. I went to bed wondering if all I had come to believe in was a lie.
As I laid my head down to go to sleep on it, with tears in my eyes, I heard rumbling outside my bedroom door. Evil shrieks of laughter came closer and closer. I could see shadowed figures blocking out the kitchen light that was my bedroom's safety flare. They poked and prodded at me, whispering to each other - "we don't have to worry about this anymore!" I tossed and turned avoiding their talons, making sure not to let my foot slip out from the blanket (that's how they get you, ya know.)
I'd spent years obeying what God seemed to want, but never really asked for help. But I had gotten to the point of disbelief, because my reward never matched my sacrifice. I cried out, "Jesus! If you are real. HELP ME!" Suddenly, the room lit up and three bright beings (angels?) went all Chuck Norris on the dark ones (demons?) Then I passed out.
The "Real" World
Perhaps I'll share more about my beliefs about the reality of the supernatural world, but I often reason in fantasy and unrealistic expectations of myself and others. The way things are and the way I think they should be are often very different. Although I try to align the way I think things should be to what God would have them be, things in the "real world" aren't often the way God intended either.
The strategy I try to keep, and what Paul writes to the Ephesians (Chapter 4, verses 13 and 14) is this: "For light is capable of showing up everything for what it really is. It is even possible for light to turn the thing it shines upon into light also."
Forget about the nightlight (Please, that's embarrassing), but looking at things in the Light of Truth seems to be the only way I can overcome my tendency to fantasize about how things seem to be. Whether it is a coat stand in the dark that looks like a monster, or a boss' reaction to my job that makes me feel like I am going to be fired on a daily basis. Establishing this Biblical principle of looking at everything - for what it really is - releases me from the emotions and unrealistic expectations that distort my view.
So, I still need a nightlight. So what? Knowing where my thoughts and emotions can go, I'd rather pay the electric company a couple pennies more a month to stay in the truth. Of course, I could try turning off the lights at night and sing "This little light of mine", but that seems a bit childish.
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