Powerless 6 - Alone at last

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Alone

As I mentioned in previous posts, I have accepted the label of "Introvert". Being alone is my way of charging up. But also, going through these steps, I've realized why I have developed this type of hermit life, and have begun to realize why I have felt so limited.

Between being pushed to the outside of social circles as a kid, feeling singled out at work, divorced twice and not seeing my kids, I've either had a choice to accept being alone or fight for acceptance. Yesterday, I was supposed to write on two topics, but talking about loneliness and regrets about my lack of self-worth were a bit more than I could handle in one sitting at the keyboard.

Loneliness

Although I've justified and learned to really enjoy my time alone, sometimes this life is overwhelmingly lonely. Wanting to just have a conversation with another human being without going online to do it, to watch and laugh at a sitcom with someone, or just to talk about my day - I know that being alone is not what's best for me.

"Calgon take me away", "I'm surrounded by idiots", and so many other sayings that I grew up with were just some of the ideas that justified being alone.  Having an abundant time to learn, to grow, even to spend time with God sounds great - that is, until having to be with others who do not learn, grow or spend such time with the Creator.

It's a two-edged sword, this aloneness - this loneliness. No one to challenge me to do what is bad or what is good.  No one to laugh at me or laugh with me. No one to take from me or give to in my man-cave that I cannot seem to escape from.

Community

But returning to Celebrate Recovery, and then returning to church, I realize that so many others go through the same thing.  Sure there are those crazy extroverts out there too, but there are those who have lost touch with their families and friends. Whether it is from drugs and alcohol, or depression and lack of confidence like me. Having a community of people who want to learn, grow, and spend time with God is so much more beneficial to me than my empty home.

"Continue to love each other with true brotherly love", begins Hebrews 13:1,2. "Don't forget to be kind to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!" I believe that many angels have been overjoyed with the group of CR taking me in, and my old church loving me back. Perhaps I wasn't surrounded by idiots after all, perhaps I was the idiot by making the choice to be lonely.

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