Powerless 7 - Lint in your pockets

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Nothing left to give

My first prayer to God before entering into the wonderful world of Celebrate Recovery, went something like this, "I don't have anything, but what I have, it's Yours."  It was quickly obvious that what I had was not what God had in mind, but what He had to give.

It doesn't matter what I score on IQ tests, but I've realized that I'm not that bright. At some point, I'd forgotten that my worth comes from God, and I fell into servitude. Now I know that concept sounds oddly noble in the Christian world, but that mind of service is also transferrable to other areas, like work and relationships.

Again, I'm not as smart as I thought I was, because I often forget that not everyone - even in church - is a Christian. People will use you, abuse you, and when you have nothing left to give, toss you aside like yesterday's trash.

Button top pockets

The common response to dealing with such people is to just stay away from them, lock down your wallet and emotions and hope they go away.  As things would have it, I've never really learned the balance too well, and instead of putting full blame on the abusive types, I know there is a way to keep the money and love flowing in a healthy balance.  After all, if the people who invited me to Celebrate Recovery had buttoned up their hearts and top pockets, where would I be right now?

Accepting Emptiness

Over the past months, concepts of my job that I've been doing for over 25 years seemed to slip from my mind. Partially from a damning environment, partially from accepting a low-challenge job, but I am learning to take my part of responsibility for accepting this environment. Looking for another job, I rewrote my resume and realized that my highly sought-after skills were over 2 years old. I felt empty in the realm of the workforce.

Burned too many times in relationships, I've become a bit... okay, completely a hermit. Feeling a little more confident since returning to CR and church and being accepted, I've recognized my emptiness in the ability to be social.  I won't even go into the emptiness of my bed or bank account.

But after (re)reading John 10:10, where Jesus said, "My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.", I remembered that it is God who gives and takes away life. When He gives, he gives it completely...in fullness... a fullness that fills all the emptiness that I see in my current situation.  If this is your first time around, I was highly cynical too, but because this is my second round in CR and these principles, it's because of experience that I know this to be true.

Final Word

Over the past week or so in going through these steps, I've had to deal with some really hard realities about myself...again.  Some things that I thought I had overcome, and some things that were deeper than my first go-round. I could've easily jumped onto the "everything's gonna be okay" mindset, but I felt that really experiencing and looking at the depth of my fall was the best way to restart - allowing God and all of you to really see the broken me. So, when Hope comes (after two more posts), it will be that much sweeter!

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