Powerless 13 - When the cat is away

A shift in power

We've all heard it said, "When the cat is away, the mice will play." As a kid, when I got sick and missed school, I wondered if the other kids went to school that day and what else happened on the stage of life that I was absent from. As an adult, even though I had no reason to believe otherwise, I worried what my children's room would look like when I went to inspect it.

There are certainly some, if not all, parts of our lives that have become unmanageable. For the past two years, whenever I have left the office to go on vacation or to a conference, I would return to find that things had changed - often things that I was responsible for would be returned to a chaotic state worse than I had found it when I had first begun.

But after a brief prayer and outro-spection of this final topic of powerlessness, I decided to switch things up. Instead of looking at just my view of my work situation, I want to show how things possibly look from my boss' perspective.

The power seat

I met my current boss years ago at a different job. Our relationship continued on a professional level when she moved away. When she returned to the area, I was happily surprised to see her and her husband at a home church that I was part of. Years later, she asked me to come work for her. Seeing her as a friend, a Christian, and someone who knew my ability in the workplace, I accepted the offer.

For years, the position of IT coordinator was outside her control - whether it was to do with an employee who kept everything to themselves or simply did not have the experience. Since the one before me had trouble with the technology, my boss needed to become more involved. Because of the past employees, the boss and much of the staff developed many of the habits that we address in depth during Celebrate Recovery meetings. But in this fast-paced world, even my Christian co-workers haven't the experience and discipleship to "let go... and grow" to a healthier Christ-centered belief.

After hiring me, and only having trauma-unit experience in my role, there wasn't much the boss could teach me. But because of our past experiences, she knew I could handle anything she threw at me, and that I was trustworthy.

Trust lost

Unfortunately, none of the others knew my character and background. So, when the boss had to leave the office for meetings, they would - like the mice - play.  Some treated me like the old employee who kept everything and was overlord over the technology. Others treated me like I didn't know anything about anything. Still others, dreamed up that I was a spy and hacker coming to sabotage the network.  The testing and taunting from my coworkers led to my failure to uphold the productivity that my boss expected of me (yet not of previous or current employees) - an expectation that no other related position in my field had over them.

When the boss would return, she would see all the papers and gadgets that were tossed on my desk from tasks ordered from other employees, tasks she had directed me to do, and things that I needed to do. With an office full of bosses, and me being the "yes" man, I was overburdened in the chaos. But all the boss saw was the unfinished tasks and my frustration. Coworkers would complain when they didn't know what I was doing or talking about, and when I would put non-crucial tasks on hold. Several times, I would be moving a 100-lb printer, and I would be called to squash a bug - true story!

Although, I tried to develop a teamwork environment, the distrust of the co-workers finally solidified in the boss' mind when I missed a deadline. The truth is, one of my coworkers didn't provide the necessary documentation they were responsible for, but instead of pointing that out, I offered the apology for the missed deadline - a button that my boss loves to push, and she doesn't even know that I was taking one for the team.

Hurts, Habits, and Hang-ups

Not knowing is one thing, but not facing it is another. You would think that missing a deadline would give me help - but instead, the exclusion and expectation increased. The old thoughts of the former employee who kept everything was not overcome by my sharing of information - in fact, when people didn't understand my job experience, it made things worse. So more crucial details to do my job were held from me, more side meetings left me uninvited, and more nightly plans were devised that would make the boss feel more empowered in things that she did not have my experience with.

On the other side, the habitual responses from the past employee without experience crept up. The belief that I had no idea what I was doing because it did not match what the boss heard from others - mostly with no relative experience. This power struggle was so sneaky (and one sided) that everything I said was refuted as nonsense.

Eventually, combination of the behaviors verged into a micro-management behavior that I've never experienced before. Being told when and how to take breaks, and what I cannot post on Facebook, and who I can be friends with was just the tip of the iceberg. But during work time, correcting me on nearly every word I speak or write and being told how to do things that I'd been doing with excellence for years, and then holding me responsible for the failures and missed deadlines or any slight deviation from a conversation the boss had with a third party about what she thought I should be doing at any given moment.

A Crucial Conversation

Having gone through Celebrate Recovery, and particularly in depth with these lessons, I have some sympathy for my boss.  The desire to control and feel powerful over things that are out of her control comes with the job.  It is hard to imagine having sympathy for someone who has been pressuring me for so long for no good reason.

So, I had that crucial conversation. "What have I done that you do not trust me anymore?" She denied not trusting me. Trying rationalize this behavior without having a rational reason for it stumped me. I sympathized with her struggle - of a hard schedule and not having the experience that I have offered. I confirmed my intention to serve wherever possible to do, teach, or train but begged for clarity on her desires. Lack of clear expectations is a topic I've brought up in many of these meetings.

I wanted to hand her a step study book or quote the Bible verses that she "should know." But it is not my place to change her. I pray that she would read and understand Psalm 40:12, "Problems far too big for me to solve are piled higher than my head. Meanwhile my sinse, too many to count, have all caught up with me and I am ashamed to look up." I know the great relief that comes from admitting my life has become unmanageable, and it is the relief and not the shame that I want for my boss, so at some time I can once again call her "friend". Otherwise, by her direction, my own, or the will of God, I may soon just call her "ex-boss" - it is up to her to change that environment that she is placed over, and I pray she makes and keeps the right decision.