Celebrate Recovery... Again

Simply Living Growing up, we had farm animals as well as a few acres of garden.  We also had a great amount of wilderness to escape to, hunt in, and build tree houses in. With the fad culture of organic and raw living found in nearly every grocery store around me, I'm reminded the real work that is involved - not just checking the fruits and vegetables on the shelf for an "Organic" label. I don't think I need to detail what I needed to do if I wanted chicken for dinner. Escaping the hardness of true country-life (not the thing that mainstream redneck culture it has become) I found shopping an enjoyable experience.  However, the desire to have my own little garden in my 1/16th of an acre parcel became my refuge 2 years ago. The smell of the fertilized dirt over the asphalt and tar, began to revitalize me and nourish me more than any vitamin or supplement ever could. Pruning the unknown With a much different climate and lack of ability to plant a "real...

Acceptance begins with sanity I told you in my last article that I had realized that there were some issues that ran really deep.  The revelation came when I was considering a friend's testimony at CR on Friday night that was so much different than mine. Struggling with the idea that my issues are not to do with substance abuse among many who do have that struggle, I felt distanced from the crowd. After escaping for a few minutes to gather my thoughts (with a quick smoke), the pastor came out to tell me that the night's step study had been cancelled. I was both tired from my trip and struggling to find answers to my depression and why I was there, so I was relieved that I would have time to get home and rest early that night. Expectation When I re-entered the building, I'd found that the small group had already started. I could have interrupted, I could have left, but instead I decided to wait for them to come out. Busying myself with cleanup, I put away the da...

Fight Flee or Freeze Before starting Celebrate Recovery 12 years ago, except for a family visit or trip to the store, my life was basically wake up, go to work, come home, repeat. The strength that I found through Jesus Christ opened me up to many more adventures - and possibly much more harm.  Last night, during a CR teaching/testimony on Victory all of the fears came rushing back that put me into my personal prison. I did not overcome alcoholism or drugs. I did not wake up in a cell or hospital - hitting rock bottom.  With no day to pinpoint my overcoming my struggles or physical walls to mark my salvation, "chip night" is very difficult for me. But for some reason, this was worse than most as my beloved small group leader outlined some of his past struggles. Instead of listening intently on my friend's teaching and testimony, I was overcome by grief. "Why am I here?" I asked myself. The fact that I returned without a particular purpose and I felt...

The good old days I don't know if it is a Florida thing, or just the typical small talk between people that cannot connect, but I just had yet another conversation about the weather. It reminded me how a storm had come through years ago and the roof collapsed where I had stored all of my childhood through 20's memorabilia.  It was bitter-sweet because, although most of my pre-adult life was filled with torment that I did not want to remember, there were some things that I did want to remember - like friends from High School and awards I had won. Since returning to the Celebrate Recovery Program, I've been torn about what to share and to think about.  On one side, I wanted to share about all of the dramatic changes that happened in my life while going through the process - to inspire others.  On the other hand, I didn't want to revamp some of my old issues and concerns.   You may have noticed that I have taken a few weeks off from writing.  Some...