Celebrate Recovery... Again

What! me worry? After 65 years in print, I just read that MAD magazine restarted their issue number back at #1 for April 2018. So what better way to start a lesson on denial than featuring Alfred E Neuman masks with the catchphrase, "What! Me Worry?" I've realized over the past few months that my mask is broken. Trying to smile through the frustration, depression and anxiety has gotten so fake, people seem to think that I am being fake.. which the point is, I am being fake! But there isn't often a safe place to be honest anymore. Since the "What! me worry?" mask is no longer working, it's time that I face and admit my denial. What are you hiding? As a kid, when it was my time to wash the dishes, sometimes I'd hide some so I could get done faster.  As an adult, I throw trash under the floor mat in my car when I am giving someone a lift. We all have something that we think we are hiding, but you know my parents knew about the dishes, ...

Misplaced Devotional During the first years of my recovery, I had a pretty strong devotional life: Thankfulness and preparedness prayer in the morning, Bible study in the afternoon, and in the evening an inventory prayer of my day with prayer for others. For the past few years, that devotional time was focussed elsewhere. A cup of coffee with a couple cigarettes accompanied the daily news in the morning, coupled with a game plan for attacking the day. At the end of the day, my mind swarming with all of the troubles of the day, I sit in front of the computer or TV hoping that I could be distracted by the insanity that plagued my soul. Even this morning, with a full Saturday of focussing on celebrating recovery, my thought habitually went to overcoming the torment that the week will bring me.  If drugs or alcohol were my vice, I don't know if I could claim victory over the day. They say that depression is anger turned inwards, so getting it out on this blog is at least a...

That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. - N.Armstrong Baby steps My youngest of two sons turned 18 this month. I remember when they both were born, how I would sneak into their rooms in the middle of the night just to hold them. My wife's biggest fear was that I would wake them. My biggest fear was that someday they would learn to walk and then become too big to hold. As a computer programmer with some amateur knowledge in anatomy, I realized I didn't have nearly the skills to teach my sons how to walk. Singing "The foot bone is connected to the shin bone..." is about the best I could have done. But the first steps of my child were amazingly out of my control. As I took my first steps in recovery, it was my decision - even though I had no clue where I was going or even how to take that first step.  But that wasn't the biggest struggle! Just as my wife and I had different fears during the infant years, as you take your first step...

Saying No to Hurts Habits and Hangups Substance Abuse One of the stigmas of most recovery programs is that you have some sort of substance abuse problem. "Sure, I can quit any time!" we may tell others - and even ourselves. My first visit to Celebrate Recovery, I remember saying to myself, "What on earth am I doing here?" I was not an alcoholic or drug addict.  I had the same mindset that most have about these types of programs that you needed to have an overwhelming addiction to some sort of substance that has ruined your life, your family, and possibly landed you in jail or on the street. The long river of De-Nial "A little view of flesh won't hurt me. I'm a straight man after all."  "I'm going to grab a quick smoke to take the edge off." "I can't start the day without a hot cup of coffee." Although I didn't come home late at night, stinking of booze and another woman's scent, I did have some vice...

What on earth am I here for? My first steps in CR My first attendance Celebrate Recovery nearly 12 years ago was a real eye opener to what my life was like and where it could go.  I walked in with the thought, "What on earth am I here for?" and left with a "Purpose Driven Life" - quite literally. I'll explain the details of that life changing evening later. As I would tell my story about God's call on my life, I explained it with references to my daily routine - "hitting the snooze button over and over again".  I'm sure I am not the only one who has done that! But for 6 years, I learned to wake up - sometimes before that first buzzer - and ready myself for the awesome things God had in store for me! Pride comes before a fall At some point, though, that alarm didn't seem to wake me up. I got up, waiting for it to go off, but it remained silent. Day by day went by and although I maintained some of the disciplines that I had l...