Celebrate Recovery... Again

Simply Living Growing up, we had farm animals as well as a few acres of garden.  We also had a great amount of wilderness to escape to, hunt in, and build tree houses in. With the fad culture of organic and raw living found in nearly every grocery store around me, I'm reminded the real work that is involved - not just checking the fruits and vegetables on the shelf for an "Organic" label. I don't think I need to detail what I needed to do if I wanted chicken for dinner. Escaping the hardness of true country-life (not the thing that mainstream redneck culture it has become) I found shopping an enjoyable experience.  However, the desire to have my own little garden in my 1/16th of an acre parcel became my refuge 2 years ago. The smell of the fertilized dirt over the asphalt and tar, began to revitalize me and nourish me more than any vitamin or supplement ever could. Pruning the unknown With a much different climate and lack of ability to plant a "real

Acceptance begins with sanity I told you in my last article that I had realized that there were some issues that ran really deep.  The revelation came when I was considering a friend's testimony at CR on Friday night that was so much different than mine. Struggling with the idea that my issues are not to do with substance abuse among many who do have that struggle, I felt distanced from the crowd. After escaping for a few minutes to gather my thoughts (with a quick smoke), the pastor came out to tell me that the night's step study had been cancelled. I was both tired from my trip and struggling to find answers to my depression and why I was there, so I was relieved that I would have time to get home and rest early that night. Expectation When I re-entered the building, I'd found that the small group had already started. I could have interrupted, I could have left, but instead I decided to wait for them to come out. Busying myself with cleanup, I put away the da

Fight Flee or Freeze Before starting Celebrate Recovery 12 years ago, except for a family visit or trip to the store, my life was basically wake up, go to work, come home, repeat. The strength that I found through Jesus Christ opened me up to many more adventures - and possibly much more harm.  Last night, during a CR teaching/testimony on Victory all of the fears came rushing back that put me into my personal prison. I did not overcome alcoholism or drugs. I did not wake up in a cell or hospital - hitting rock bottom.  With no day to pinpoint my overcoming my struggles or physical walls to mark my salvation, "chip night" is very difficult for me. But for some reason, this was worse than most as my beloved small group leader outlined some of his past struggles. Instead of listening intently on my friend's teaching and testimony, I was overcome by grief. "Why am I here?" I asked myself. The fact that I returned without a particular purpose and I felt

The good old days I don't know if it is a Florida thing, or just the typical small talk between people that cannot connect, but I just had yet another conversation about the weather. It reminded me how a storm had come through years ago and the roof collapsed where I had stored all of my childhood through 20's memorabilia.  It was bitter-sweet because, although most of my pre-adult life was filled with torment that I did not want to remember, there were some things that I did want to remember - like friends from High School and awards I had won. Since returning to the Celebrate Recovery Program, I've been torn about what to share and to think about.  On one side, I wanted to share about all of the dramatic changes that happened in my life while going through the process - to inspire others.  On the other hand, I didn't want to revamp some of my old issues and concerns.   You may have noticed that I have taken a few weeks off from writing.  Some things that

Is it worth it? Last week, before the worship music began to play at Celebrate Recovery, I got the opportunity to speak with a guy who was struggling.  I didn't find out what he was struggling with as far as addiction was concerned until much later, but it is something that a lot of us struggle with - even me! It's the struggle I deal with every day I go to work, every time I go to church or CR, even every time I sit to write these blog posts. It's the struggle of wanting to quit - either I've had no breakthrough in my HHH (hurts, habits, or hang-ups), or, even worse, I've had such an amazing change I feel like I don't need this anymore. I honestly admitted to this young man, that I struggle with that, too.  I also admitted that the only thing that keeps me continuing on is knowing that the goal is much greater than I believed it would be in the beginning of my journey. The art of deception From second to sixth grades, I went to a Christian scho

A lost driver Like most men, I think I have a pretty good sense of direction.  Before mapping apps were readily available in our phones, I don't think I ever really asked for directions. But just because the technology is available for the road, doesn't mean I've given up that sense of independence and wanting to really learn from doing stuff without instructions. It does seem that the women in my life often have a slightly different view about asking for directions. Nevermind if I have been down that road before or found that the map was actually wrong, whether it is driving to the nearest post office or screwing in a lightbulb, the constant insistence on reading the manual for the simplest things have turned me off of looking for help, and especially looking for a help-mate. Although when the proverbial shoe is on the other foot, those same women are a bit worse at taking directions at any level - but that is a rant for another time. Advanced course Some

My other way to cope Of all my bad ways to cope with my problems, there is another coping mechanism that I don't often share with people. Growing up going to church, you would think it would be considered an acceptable coping tool, but you'll be surprised to find out how even Christians find it offensive. Often when things are about to get bad, I have this overwhelming urge to read and study my Bible and pray. Now, I know this sounds like some Bible-thumping, hyper-spiritual scam, but so far I've been honest about my hurts, habits, and hangups so you should realize by now that this is for real stuff that is taboo in most of even the Christian world. It is when things get really bad and all of the advice and platitudes of people just don't cut it anymore that drives me deeper into God's Word. Finding that the Bible often says things that aren't taught from the pulpits and within Christian circles is both a hope for me, as well as something that make